I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and she was petting her beer can
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
