what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
