Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
