I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
