i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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