What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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