This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
