I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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