I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
