i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
