Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
