i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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