I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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