sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
