Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
