Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Holy sore nipples Batman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
