I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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