this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found a bag of teeth...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
