I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
