Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
