Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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