Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
