so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
