"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
