The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
