Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
