He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
