I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
