if i died would you start the facebook group?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
