Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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