If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
