he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
