I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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