PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
