she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
