my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
