you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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