So drunk its hurt
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
