If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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