you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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