I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
