conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
