the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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