mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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