Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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