i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
