Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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