I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
