seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
