It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
