Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
