we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
