My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
