you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
