They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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