Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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