Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
