i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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