In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
