it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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