now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
