Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize