Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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