I wish i was in the wii world.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
