i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
