jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
