Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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