I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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