I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
