i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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