instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
