I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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